Recently, John Smith, most well know as “Barney”,
was discovered to be the buyer of 75% of the shares
DinoWorld Inc. was offering for sale. When asked to
explain this recent action, Smith was heard to say that
“ Dinosaurs have always been near and dear to my heart,
and I have confidence that my actions will inspire kids
around the world to go into business and make America
a lot of money so that everybody will be even more filthy
stinkin’ rich.”
DinoWorld executive, Jon Smithe, is reported to not be
happy that part of his business will be owned by Smith.
” I’ve hated that geek since before my mother gave
birth to him”, he is reported as saying.
However, Smith is reported to be unconcerned with
his brother’s less than generous feelings.
His mother, Jane Smith, is quoted as saying, “ John was
always such a queer boy. You could ground him, and he wouldn’t
even get upset. He’d just walk unconcernedly to his room, and then
hum for hours on end just sitting on the end of his bed”.
As a result, many people have questioned Smith’s competence
in business matters. Smithe’s lawyer, Ken Feisty, has expressed
concern that Smith might have a mental problem. “ Anyone who
can work as a purple dinosaur needs to get their head checked.
The average, and, might I add, ‘normal’ person just wouldn’t be
willing to do this for a living.”
John “Barney” Smith has gotten himself into this and we
can only pray that our children’s mascot kills himself so that we
won’t have to hear anymore of his stupid songs.
-Edith Songthiew reports

Last night, at the Nashville TN Blues playoff, Joe K. Iller,
(15) attempted to murder his younger sibling, Ivan I. Nocent,
(8) with a cheese coated, curly french fry. Joe is quoted to have said,
“He was annoying me. I’ve always wanted to do it, so I did it.”
Ivan is currently “doing fine, and showing all vital signs”,
says Belinda H. Elp, nurse. “It {the attempted murder}, gave
him quite a shock, but now he is already reading his favorite
physics textbook and catching up on tomorrow’s school assignment.”
The aim of the murderer was to stuff each end of the
french fry into the victims nose, and then hold his mouth
shut in order to suffocate him. Joe “abandoned this attempt
when he saw his mother”, says police sheriff Jack Gotagetem.
His mother, Vicki Nicotene comments,”I saw him stuffing
a french fry into my little babys nose.Joe knows that Ivan
hyperventilates easily, and has asthma, and is allergic to grease.
I just don’t understand how this could happen.”
Manager of Little Willie’s Fried And Otherwise
Unhealthy Food Stands, Greg Unfyt, is unhappy that
his food could be used in such a way. He says,
‘”Due to a recent outcry we are stamping each french fry
with a warning label telling peaople that french fries make
unsatisfactory weapons. Also, Frozen And Then Fried Food Inc.
would like to issue a statement that our food should be eaten, not played with.”
Joe is currently in custody, waiting his trial for
attempted murder. Oh, when will they stop making dangerous food?
-Eva Swan reports